No Regrets

Linder stared at the package on his front step. It was a small and wrapped in brown paper with his name on it. It was obviously delivered by hand since it had no address on it, just his name. Linder knew that the package wasn’t from Mark or David since he knew their handwriting and it wasn’t anyone else’s handwriting that he was familiar with. Unsure of what to do with the package, Linder picked it up and carried it into the house.

After dropping his bag in his room and grabbing a drink from the fridge, Linder sat at the table and stared at the package in front of him. Deciding that it was better to know what it was before mentioning it to anyone, Linder tore the package open. Linder was confused when all he found was a cassette with the words ‘play me’ written on it.

Glad that his parents still had an older stereo in the kitchen, Linder popped the cassette in and hit play.

I never thought I could be so bold
To even say these thoughts aloud
I see you with your man, your eyes just shine
While he stands proud and walking tall

That look you give that guy
I want to see looking right at me
If I could be that guy instead of me
I’d never let you down…

Linder recognized the Eels song; it had been popular over the summer and was on the radio a lot. Who would give him a tape with a song on it? If the tape was for anyone else, Linder would say that it was a love song from an admirer, but Linder doubted he had any secret admirers. Was it a joke, or given to the wrong person? No, it couldn’t have been given to the wrong person since it had his name on it and was on his front step. Linder puzzled over it for a while more then decided to ignore it. Linder walked to his room and put the tape in one of his desk drawers. He opened his math textbook and started his homework.

***

Linder stopped and stared down at the small package on the desk chair.

David, who had been walking behind Linder and had narrowly avoided knocking them both over when Linder had stopped, asked, “What’s up Linder? Everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s nothing” Linder replied.

Linder picked up the small package and sat down at his desk. Linder had planned on quickly throwing the small package in his backpack before David could notice it but the zipper on his bag jammed. Linder put the package down on the desk to struggle with his bag.

David dropped into the seat behind Linder and noticed Linder struggling with his bag. “Need some help with that Linder?”

“I’ve got it. It’s been jamming a lot lately. I need to get a new bag.” Linder replied as he finally got the zipper to open.

“Hey, what’s that?” Mark asked noticing the package on Linder’s desk “Is it from Mark?”

“Um, no.” Linder said, “It’s nothing important.”

“Where’d you get it? Who’s it from?” David questioned Linder.

“It’s nothing David,” snapped Linder. “Just drop it.”

“Okay. Sorry.” David said.

David sat back and looked carefully at Linder. Linder had been acting strange the last few days and David didn’t think it had to do with school or Mark. This wasn’t the first package David had seen Linder try to hide. Linder had gotten one in his locker the day before and had looked a bit panicked when he first noticed it. David wondered if he should corner Linder into a conversation about it or just ignore it. Maybe he’d talk to Wasso about it tonight and the two of them could figure out what to do.

Linder dropped back in his chair and closed his eyes. He knew David was curious and Linder wished he hadn’t snapped at David. Linder was so confused about the packages. After the first one at his house, Linder had found one in his locker, in his gym bag, in a jacket he had left behind in class and now in English class. All of them were tapes and all had the same song: That Look You Give That Guy by the Eels. Who was leaving them for Linder and why? Linder rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Linder had a headache and was having trouble sleeping because he kept thinking about the tapes all the time. Maybe he should talk to David about it. Maybe David would have an idea about what to do.

***

Linder and David arrived at their lunch spot before Mark and Wasso. Linder stopped in shock a few steps away from the small garden area. Another package with his name on it lay where he normally sat. David noticed Linder stopping and followed Linder’s gaze to the small package on the cement bench around the garden. When Linder didn’t move, David walked forward and picked up the package.

Holding it out to Linder David said, “Here Linder. You should put it away before Mark shows up.”

“Y-yeah, y -y-you’re right.” Linder stammered holding a shaking hand out for the package.

David watched as Linder dropped it in his bag with the one from English and while Linder closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Look Linder. I know you don’t want to talk about this, but if you need help with anything…if anyone is bothering you, you can tell me. I won’t tell anyone else, not even Wasso if you ask me not too, but maybe I can help”

“No,” Linder said looking at David, “It’s nothing like that. It…it’s….hard to explain. Maybe….” Linder sighed, “Can we talk after school?”

“Of course,” David said, “Do you want me to tell Wasso that we have an essay or something to write?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Ok.” Linder said looking a little bit less freaked out.

“Smile Linder, here comes Mark.” David warned as he saw Mark and Wasso turn the corner towards them.

David grinned at Wasso as he walked over and gave David a small nudge on the shoulder. The two of them sat down on the stone benches and David handed Wasso the bag with the food in it. As Wasso pulled out food, David watched Linder and Mark.

Mark had pulled Linder into a hug and rested his chin on Linder’s shoulder, closing his eyes. After the two of them broke apart, Mark sat down on the bench and pulled Linder down to his side. Linder curled up against Mark and opened his juice. David noticed that while Linder was snug up against Mark, Linder wasn’t looking at Mark as usual. In fact, Linder was looking everywhere else but at Mark. Maybe there was more going on than David had thought.

Turning to Wasso, Mark quietly asked, “Is Mark okay? He looks a bit off today.”

Wasso glanced at Mark, “I think so. He mentioned he was a bit tired. What’s up with Linder though?”

“What do you mean?” David replied hedging the question.

“Look at him,” Wasso said nodding his head towards Mark and Linder, “He’s practically ignoring Mark and looks ready to bolt the second Mark lets go.”

“Oh. I’m not sure. But… Ah, crap, I…I shouldn’t be telling you this. But Linder’s been finding packages left for him all over the place. I know of three but from his reactions, I think there’s more. Shit. I said I wouldn’t talk to you unless he said it was okay. Um. I said I’d tell you we had an essay or something to work on. I’m going to talk to him after school about it. And, ah, Mark doesn’t know anything about it, so please, don’t say anything.”

Wasso discreetly grabbed David’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t worry David. I won’t say anything to Mark about it just yet. But if it’s something that’s going to hurt Mark in any way, I won’t stay silent.”

“I know. I just hope that it’s harmless, whatever it is.” David said, “I’m glad it’s not me getting something from a secret admirer. Not that I’d ever have to worry though, you’d know who it was before me and they wouldn’t have a chance.”

“Damn right.” replied Wasso, “I’m not worried though, no one else would be able to keep up with your hormones. You can barely keep your hands off me during the day and can’t keep off me at night. No one else would be able to handle the amount of sex you need.”

“I need, huh?” David said with a laugh, “You’re the one who can’t keep their hands off of me.”

“Sure kid, whatever.” Wasso said with a bump of the shoulders, causing David to fall over.

David laughed as he sat up. Leaning close to Wasso, he whispered, “Who’s been crawling into whose bed at night lately? It hasn’t been your bed. You can’t get enough of me, and you know it.”

Wasso raised one eyebrow at David, “Your room is further from your parents than mine is. If you keep showing up in mine, they’ll catch you and then where will you be? In deep trouble and locked in your room every night. I think you’d die from lack of sex.”

David punched Wasso in the arm. “Whatever. You’d perish before me.”

Wasso grinned and threw his empty sandwich bag at David. Grabbing David around the neck, Wasso pulled him in close and pretended to give David a noogie. David rubbed his head against Wasso’s chest and sighed with pleasure. Wasso released David and the two of them spent the rest of lunch enjoying each others company. Continue